Raising the Bar

Alright, I woke up very late today. It's not what I planned, but heck, I was having duty yesterday. I hope my weight doesn't increase due to the binging yesterday...but even if it does, I am gonna burn all of it today.

In a while's time, I'm gonna attempt my first 12+ km run. Yes, I've never ever covered more than 10km before, but this time, I must try. Since I'm going for marathons soon, I must start training. This is quite serious. If only I put so much effort to my god damn studies. But that aside, I must finish this distance today. I've thought long and hard, where the fk to run more than 10km. In the end, I just decided to go with the simplest route, so as not to complicate things up. The aim today is really not timing, but to see if I can complete the 12+ km. This will be the base for future runs. I am setting aside two hours, yes that long, to finish this. No pressure on the timing, but mentally, I must adjust for this kind of distance. Visually, this is the route I'm taking.

It will be starting from blk 408, then straight all the way following the expressway, all the way to west coast park entrance, then U-turn back all the way to Pandan Resevoir, then up the resevoir, take one whole round, and end. Total distance is about 12.5km. 

Phew...this is quite a daunting task for someone like me who hasn't experienced long-d before. But thinking of all the n00bs who look weak but can actually finish marathons, I have to finish this. And not to forget the motivation great people like John Stone and David Goggins has given me. 

I'm only going to take my weight after my run, so I'm ending here first; will be back in 2 hours time!

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*Update (Night)

Shit man, on the run. I started on the resevoir instead, but did not complete the whole run. Reason: it was fking raining. Already drizzling when I was running the resevoir. I did not want to get sick over this, so I halted my run halfway. Pretty disappointed...and that after tt 6km I did not feel like continuing...not totally cos' of the rain...cos' I wasn't mentally strong enough...

But leave that for another day. Hit the gym in the evening, lost another few pounds. Took my final weight total after workout. 

60.9kg.

Finally, I've hit the 60 benchmark. Finally Finally Finally. 

Ok, 1 solid kilogram to kill off...I must do it. 

Yea man, everyone enjoy your 125th anniversary while I perfect myself physically...there is no end to this journey. 

Tomorrow is still my off...so shiok. This is a good life...

But, the nagging feeling of me not having surpass the 10km mark is still very prominent at the back of my head...it will not disappear unless I finally break it...

Damn it...

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Orientation Drill is Ending!

Yea...my favourite time of the week. Friday! Excellent. It feels extra good this weekend because we finally got over a shack week. As I posted, it was OD week and boy, it is really quite tiring. 

Two words: STANDING PARADE.

From 15 mins, to 30 mins, to 45 mins...it is always damn tough to stand still with a SAR-21 for long periods of time. You have to be mentally tough to get through. But as always, tough times do not last, tough men do. How true. 

Ok, I took ATTN B for one and a half days, but still went through two full days of training, so I'm not just empathizing with the pain that everyone goes through, ok?

But as fate would have it, I seemingly have to do extra work to make up for missing the earlier sessions. I actually volunteered to be the timer. Simply put, being the timer is a hard, yet thankless job. Everyone expects you to keep the time and ensure the coodination of the whole platoon, as if it was your obligation. You just can't screw up. And if you do, you will be struck down but a thousand and one criticism so harsh, you won't be able to take it. But, I knew what I was going for, and I just took the shit. I don't care, I know it would be so much better having me instead of someone else being timer. For the greater good, huh?

I went to buy around $10 worth of fruits, namely bananas, grapes and a honeydew just now. I want to start my "Fruit Diet". This morning, my weight was slightly more than 62kg, and I felt quite annoyed. I mean, the dinner I had the night before was carefully picked, and definitely not too filling at all. Maybe it was water weight, I don't know. But luckily, this morning had CPFA, our unit run. We were supposed to do 7.4km this time, due to the "Progressive training" thing. So we ran...to me 7.4 was ok, nothing much since I've done more but surprisingly, I felt quite shack throughout the run. I think it was attributed to a few reasons: Me chasing a super fit guy, my illness not fully healed, trail route and maybe insufficient preparation. It all came down hard on me, and I definitely did not feel comfortable running that 7.4km. I had to stop three times and consume endless amount of water to ease my run. It was quite a challenge, many a times I really thought of giving up. How the hell...it was only 7.4km...I have to say, this will be a one-off thing. I can't be so weak if I want to complete marathons man!

Tomorrow is NDP NE2! Somehow I got a bad feeling about tomorrow, like things will screw up. I don't know why. =/ Hopefully not. 

Ok, I am going to enjoy my night outside, see you on my next post!

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A Horrendous Experience

I don't know what is going on inside my brain. It has, unknowingly, succumb to such a deep and dark part that I myself do not know whether I have gone too far with all these hateful and evil thoughts. 

I woke up this morning, and realised I had a freaking DISGUSTING, HORRIBLE, INHUMAN, SICK NIGHTMARE. It gives me the damn creeps every single time I visualise exactly what I saw, even until now. I swear, I've dreamt of wierd stuff before, even scary stuff like ghosts, p******** etc, but never has a nightmare gave me such a after-effect such as this one. What the fuck man seriously WHY DO I DREAM OF SHIT LIKE THIS. I DONT EVEN HAVE THESE SICK THOUGHTS WHEN I'M CONSCIOUS!!! Has my subconsciousness moulded to such an evil phase that it has start to emit these sick and inhuman thoughts? 

F**K, I don't even want to describe what I "saw", but I think I will, for keepsake. I was watching something like an instructional video. Everything was normal, until they showed one video. It had this warning of graphic imagery or something. But somehow, I continued to watch anyway. It depicts the sick and graphic act of...GOUGING THE EYES OUT OF INFANTS. OMFG, I SWEAR, SOME OF THE IMAGES ARE STILL VERY VIVID RIGHT NOW. IT SHOWED MULTIPLE DIFFERENT BABIES' LEFT, I REMEMBER EXTREMELY CLEARLY, LEFT EYES BEING SLOWLY GOUGED OUT FROM THEIR EYE SOCKET, AND THE WORST THING IS THAT THOSE SOCKETS WERE ALREADY DECOMPOSING AND MOULDY AND BROWN AND FLAKY, SUCH THAT THE EYES WERE EASILY PEELED OFF! AND THERE WERE JUST TO MANY DIFFERENT CASES. SOME VERY BLOODY, GOT ONE MAKES MY HAIR STAND EVEN NOW; AFTER THE EYE OF ONE BABY'S EYE WAS DIGGED OUT, THE CAMERA CLOSED UP TO THE FREAKING DECOMPOSING EYE SOCKET, AND IT WAS ALL BLACK AND DRY *HAIR STAND*!!!! YUCKS WAD THE FUCK!!! I DON'T WANT TO POST THIS BUT I HAVE TO. EVERYTHING I SAW WAS CRYSTAL CLEAR, ZOOMED IN. IT WAS FREAKING SCARY AND DISGUSTING. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THESE NIGHTMARES ARE HAPPENING TO ME...HAVE I LISTENED TO TOO MUCH BLACK METAL???

I am drained. I am really drained. WTF. I really don't know what to take of this. 

Wierd thing was, just now when I was booking out, one of my friends told me something about Marilyn Manson gouging out a female's eyes and fking the eye socket....and I was like...what in the world...? 

WHAT IS THIS ABOUT EYES AND EYES SOCKET AND SHIT. 

STOP

STOP STOP

STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Random: This was my dinner, pretty huh?

*Edit

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

NOW THAT I'M LOOKING AT MY DINNER PICTURE, I REALISED.

THE FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKINIIINGGGG EGG TART LOOK LIKE THE GOODMAANNMMNN DECOMPOSING AND CHARRED EYE SOCKET I DREAMT ABOUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKCSDCFHSDFWBfbfoubbuffREFIVEFUVEWFIKWEVFIFWBFEWIUBFUIWVEF

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*SNAP*, Just like that.

GOOD LORD OH MIGHTY, MY MOTIVATION IS BACK! THE FIRE IS ALIVE!

Sometimes, it's just little things that suddenly give you that motivation. I was scanning through threads on HWZ just now...guess what? One particular thread swept away all my troubles of weight loss now and renewed my passion and hunger for running. It was about this US Navy Seal, David Goggins. See what he does daily for yourself. I am deeply inspired by him, his will, his passion, his psychology on life etc. 

Doesn't that make you feel pumped and ready to go out there, change to your running gear, and burn some rubber? I know it has sure made me feel this way. 

It's like suddenly, my illness all vanished in an instant. I feel like doing every single marathon starting from today. So I went to search about the upcoming marathons such as Nike Human Race and Netwon Run. I hope to be participating especially in these two, and I hope people do join me. Like David Goggins, I want to see my limits, my TRVE limits, and see how far I can actually push. 

Right now, IPPT is next week. If I can picture myself getting GOLD, I can get it. Will this be the one, that I finally get GOLD...?

Two more days to the end of the week. Schedule: Two more days of OD, Friday run, Friday Gym (?). Then Saturday NDP Duty again. I've taken ATTN B for the past one and a half days now...so tomorrow and friday I'll have to suffer through the standing parades and drills like everyone. I hope this new-found motivation will keep me going, destroy every single negative feeling I get. 

YEA, my Battery has been recharged!

QOTD: Smashing through the boundaries, Lunacy has found me, Cannot stop the battery!

                                                                                                                                            -Metallica

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Sometimes, too fast is not GOOD.

Ok, I didn't expect this coming. I am sick again. Cough, sore throat, flu...

And it's ironical really, judging from the fact that I've been physically very active these past few weeks. I guess I know the reason why I've fell sick. 

I pushed myself TOO hard.

Yes, during my "ST65" where I lost 20kg in a mere 3 months, I never fell sick during that period at all. But this time things have changed. The environment has changed, the circumstances, the food I eat, the way I work, everything has changed. No longer was I doing things at my own pace ala during last year. This time I was trying to lose weight too quickly, without factoring in important stuff like my training schedule, my resting time, my food intake etc. Not that much anyway. I mean, I was not just trying to lose weight, I was actually trying to lose weight under a very stressful situation, with being in MPEU and all, and not to FORGET, the negative effects of the World Cup fever. Take for instance, on WC Finals day itself, I woke up in the afternoon, had wanton mee and some snacks, like literally junk food, starved, yes starved all the way till evening, went for a 8km run, continued starving all the way till 2.30am, then guess what? I didn't even take in solid food then; I went to gorge myself with sweetened drinks, jelly, yogurt to fill my stomach. If I didn't think about the consequences thoroughly then, I must be suffering from it right now. This sucks!

So morale of the story? Don't try to lose weight too quickly, especially if you're daily schedule is not under your control. This leads to other complications that affects work, friends, etc. Had to see MO and take leave today cos' of this. Good thing is I can pon OD for a while. But I really feel quite shitty. 

So now that I'm sick, it simply means I can't do physical activities for the next few days until I'm ok. Ultimately I know, it will mean I gain weight this week. I HATE THIS. But what can I do. I did not want this. 

But as always, my weight fluctuates during times like this. Either I gain or lose weight. So by this Saturday morning, I will check my weight again. If it's 62-63, then good, I maintained. If it's 64kg, fucking hell...., if is below 62kg, I will be damn happy. And I will hit 60 the week after. Cos' I will definitely have no exercise, and this might lead to unexpectedly high weight gain. Bah...couldn't care less...just want to get of this period quickly...

.

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Into the Abyss

I am listening to some DSBM now while looking at FB profiles...and you could imagine pretty much what's going on in my mind now. 

I don't want to feel like this...trust me...but how could I not when I am going to have OD this week...? It's gonna be...what, four days of non-stop, continuous drills? Just imagine, warm-up drills, repetitive sedias, senangdiris, hentakaki, rifle drills, standing parades, all the sweat, all the pain, all the exhaustion. For at least 8 hours everyday, that adds up to around 32 hours of endless drills, drills, and more drills. SHITFUCK. Time is going to pass very, very ssslowly. I'm not prepared mentally for this. 

Whatever, it won't kill me. This is the sacrifice to make for entering LECC. =/ 

Ok, Gymed just now. Not bad, sweat quite a lot. Weighed 62.2kg. Not bad, not bad at all. 

I should see an improvement after OD week, since it's gonna be so torturous.

Burzum, you must see me through this. 

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Lab's FIFA World Cup 2010 Conclusion

F-R-E-A-K-I-N-G Boring. I wasted my time watching it. The game was damn slow, Spain once again did their mundane passing regime, while Netherlands looked like a lost puppy all the time. And as expected, Spain's attack proved too strong for the Oranje's defence. Though, Netherlands also tested Casillas lots of time. Both teams had a few CLEAR chances on goal, but their forwards squandered them. This match is not of World Cup quality, much less of a World Cup Final. And FINALLY after a stalement which went for 116 damn minutes, Iniesta scored the winning goal. Relieved, I was, to see the dull game finally end. I would have dreaded over it if it went to penalties. 

So there, my prediction of either Brazil, Germany or Spain would win came trve. Nothing to boast about...no prizes to be taken here. But it has made things more interesting.  Overall, this WC2010 is pretty SHITE. Those expected to shine failed miserably. But nonetheless it still has it's fair share of excellence. Eg. Uruguay vs Germany. 

...Hopefully in four years time, the next WC will be better. Much better. And I hope to be there to give my prediction again. 

Alright, today is my off.  Don't know why, managed to wake up earlier than expected. Took my weight...FK, it increased by a few grams. I'm inclined to believe it's water weight, since I had so much yesterday. Will be hitting the GYM later on...Today's session must make it count. 

I will sign off now, may post another one in the night. 

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