Oh man...I gotta wake up. Today just exemplified the worst of me in more ways than one. I know my one great weakness clearly now; being very blur cock. Especially when I'm scared or nervous. I will be so self conscious and brainless that I f-up even the most simple things.
I had to book in today. Only one other platoon guy was in camp. During CPFA, both of us were on status so we went aside..then after a while, I went to cut my hair. After that, we left the barber and went to eat. Suddenly my friend asked, "Where's your jockey cap?". Oh shit, I misplaced it, I thought. I went back to the canteen to check. Not there. I hadn't a clue where I left it, so I instantly suggested going back to the barber to check. Luckily, it was there. How could I have been so ignorant.
But my mind was wreaked by the fact I had to sign extra. It was bothering me the whole day. I just wanted to get it over with. Then I could take PM off and leave.
So I decided to wait in the office for my PS. Wait. I didn't even bother to call, out of fear. And hoping he might forget. But no, he called instead and said he wanted to see me. So there and then, I couldn't escape already. Off I went to sign the extra. 3. First time. I am f-up. No matter how much I can excel in running. And the freakin' lame claims about a marathon changing your life. It all crap as my life is still the same, I am still so damn blur and f-up, AND THAT'S ALSO THE REASON I DID NOT GET CHOSEN FOR COMMAND SCHOOL IN THE FIRST PLACE COS' MY PEER APPRAISAL SUCKS, AND IT'S ALSO WHY I DID SO BADLY FOR MY A LEVELS EVEN THOUGH I TOOK TWICE, AND THAT'S ALSO THE BLOODY REASON MY SOCIAL NETWORK SUCKS, AND ALL THE OTHER CRAP IN MY LIFE.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFWKEFBWEKJFBEDKFBEKFBKJEWBFKJBFKJFB WEJHBADVBB;VBERAIUBVHIJBVIBVIBVE;V,LWBVKVBKVBWK;FVBKVJCBWEKFCBEKFJCBAEKCBWEUVBERIUVBRVKAREBVKERBVKEVBVADBVAEKvjBAV
KNN CB I AM OUT
I DONT CARE ANYMORE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I AM BREOKEN
I AM BROKENC
JBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBCBBB
AND GUESS WHAT, THE STUPIDEST THING TT HAPPENED TODAY. I TOOK THE COMPUTER CARD NEEDED TO LOG IN THE I-NET AND PUT IT IN MY POCKET AND LEFT IN MY NO.4 PANTS. AND I WENT HOME. NORMALLY PPL USE IT AND LEAVE IT IN THE OFFICE, BUT OUT OF MY BLURNESS TODAY I UNKNOWINGLY TOOK IT AND PUT IN MY POCKET. THEN WHEN I WAS SLEEPING I GOT A CALL FROM MY SGT ASKING WHERE'S THE CARD AND TTS WHEN I REALISE I HAD PUT IT IN MY POCKET. I PANICKED AND SEARCHED FRANTICALLY IN MY HOUSE BUT IT WASN'T THERE. SO I ASKED HIM TO OPEN MY LOCKER AND SEARCH. ONLY THEN HE FOUND IT AND I GOT FKED.
I MEAN WHY THE FK YOU BRING PUT II IN YOUR POCKET AND GO FF YOU DUMB CB!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING? NO I OBVIOUSLY WASN'T THINKING !!!!1 MY MENTAL STATE OF MIND IS IN A MESS NOW. I AM ROTTING
GO FK YOURSELF LA
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