Don't Assume Anything

I'm such an idiot lol. I was so looking forward to THURS night book out, thinking tt friday was off in lieu for labour day. Didn't happen! So this week was seemingly longer than normal, which was pretty mindfking, you noe. DON'T ASSUME next time.

I'm back to JC!

Yup, that's right. Only that this JC is called MP command. Srsly, the things we do there, the schedule is almost identical to JC life. Mostly, it's lecture from dust till dawn, eat, eat, eat, and a bit of physical. Life's good...and interesting. As I slowly understand more bout' MP, I realise this voc is really "Multi Purpose" man. Covers everything from drills to policing to conventional stuff. I should learn to appreciate tt I'm lucky enough to get in.

Ranting time. Had ATP and IPPT this week. "Almost" means SHIT when it comes to ATP la. So what if I "almost" tio 29/36? A lot of other ppl did. But fact is I wasn't concentrating enough. And mother luck wasn't on my side. $200 bucks...flew away. =.=. Then IPPT. Start to drop that dumb mindset that you're ALMOST GOLD man! This is your ultimate weakness! You keep on thinking tt you're physical is ALMOST good enough for GOLD, and assume tt your 2.4km will hit 9.44 if you push enough. No chance man. FACT = you are not GOLD standard yet. You are living in your own fantasy world. You're just a HIGH SILVER now, but GOLD is not within your touch yet. So either you do something, or you'll never get the GOLD you so desire.

Week 2 has passed, slowly the bunkmates are learning more bout each other. And so am I. Truly, I sense tt these are a good bunch of guys to hang out with, and even felt part of the group. However, my ears are sharp, and when I heard what they said behind my back, and their rigid behavior towards me, I began to ponder otherwise. Hmm... But, after the dumb experience in BMT, I believe tt it's still better not to make any enemies, as life will be very tough since I have to go through 8 more weeks with them. So, the only way not to make enemies is to make friends with them. The situation is not as drastic as it sounds, just that I think too much all the time. But I am slowly learning to drop my guard. Let's see what happens after a few more weeks. Should be interesting.

Ytd night, went to have supper at henderson market. Slowly waited for de YTF stall to open...and just talk cok to pass time. IMO, everything bout' de YTF stall SUCKS except it's food, which is brilliant. Service like shit, waiting time, CRAZY QUEUE,...etc. BUT for the sake of the best YTF in town, it's worth it. We cheonged a hell lot of food which added up to $25. Crazy! Lets see some pix and we'll realise how much we ordered. But it was proportionate, since we have 5 monsters to gobble all of it up.


Dig in!

Look at the size of that.

Phew, managed to finish it.

Last but not least, I am going to post a photo to show you what I am all about. If you don't believe I am this kind of person, believe it now. (Though this doesn't really prove much and I can go further, but I don't care since it is already out of the norm)


Fk the dumb pose and the ugly shirt...my first corpse paint attempt WORKED.

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Facebook = Motivation

You gotta train harder. Become stronger. Better. Faster. Can't believe how much cutting botak can change ppl's appearance. When you see their FB photos, you can't believe they are actually that kind of ppl. Eg clubbers, pimps. And you understand why they act dao or arrogant in camp. True as the saying goes, never judge a book by its cover. Now that everyone is exposed in their very RAW and genuine self, at least physically, I realised how fucking ugly they are compared to when they have hair. What the FK?! All the fats, all the pimples, all that CRAP. EXPOSED. I've learnt something today. Ha. ha. ha. What a difference. Use this as motivation to bust ur ass more, and sculp that lean 8% body out. You must do it, why? Cos' they are not as good as you think they are. Feed on this fact. You can actually be better than them. KVLT/TRVE...

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Roti Prata Routine

...happens every Sunday morning! Well, it has become so since my army days cos' I just enjoy a quiet Sunday morning reading the news and having some Prata. It's really enjoyable and relaxing, you all should try it, instead of going out all the time.

What a week it has been. First and foremost, I shall talk abt Thursday. Somehow, it just so happened that in my new section, my buddy, had the exact same birthday as me! What are the odds? And somemore he is 1990 de. I guess we are really "Brothers" eh? But that's not the main thing. So what happened was, he was Platoon IC so everyone supposedly knows him. Somehow, my crazy section ppl (who are REALLY a bit psycho) found out his Bday and decided to prank his ass! Could you imagine the string of emotions running through my veins when I heard tt? I was like, "...the hell? OMG today MY Bday too! Should I reveal to them? No, I'll kena also! But hey, nobody will send you wishes and it'll be quite sad! Just tong together with my buddy?" All this while, nobody knew it was my Bday also. So as I quietly listened to their manicical plans, I began to cringe even more. To the point where it was enough, and I told myself, "Nope, not worth it to reveal my Bday for this level of Prank or Blanket Party or whatever." I mean, I don't even know these guys! So I decided, quietly, I'll join in the fun. And boy, was it FUN! LOL! Thinking of it now still makes me laugh. Yea, bit of guilt also, I mean, my fking buddy kena all de crap, and not only did I not (suffer tog with him) help him, but I joined in in messing him up too! WORST, I even told him, "Eh buddy, I tried to help you...but...the odds were really against you." Damn it, Lab, you're screwed up, LOL. So what the whole section did was tie him up, mess him up, took his shirt off, dirtied his ass etc etc. What the hell, in the end he really looked like crap man! Everyone laughed their ass off! Times like these make you wonder, "Should you laugh at or pity him?" Haha...but wasted, no photos taken. However to the best of my ability, this is a rough pix of what became of him after:

Wow. Srsly, THAT could have been me also. *Cringes*

...But, it was all in the name of good fun. At least, he had a LONG shower after that!

Ok, I ain't gonna talk more bout' my MP life, cos' in any angle I talk bout' it, and the things we do there, it will only lead to one word: SLACK. Nope, no joke. MP command is one of, if not THE most Xin Nang Vocations around. Not just that, it's Xin Nang, but it's unfairly prestigious also. Who else gets to wear the TAILOR MADE (yes, really.) No. 3 uniform? Which other MAN gets to don the elusive No. 1 uniform AND Pickcap for NDP which spells GLORY? Which other MAN gets the POWER to impose on higher ranks, even commanders? Which other MAN is so feared and respected? No one else but MP Command. Yes, that's the truth, if you hate your Voc, I can only say, life sucks, suck thumb.

Ai, slack is slack, but the physical trainings are really XIONG de, OK?

If the past week was adjustment week, then this week will definitely not be. In fact, it's more like Midterm week. Guess what we're having on this week? ATP. ROUTE MARCH. IPPT. This week alone. What?! It's only like, week TWO? Bah. But won't complain, as we will bookout on Thurs Night. Why? FRIDAY LABOUR DAY HOLIDAY LO. So this week will be fast and furious...and nervous. I hate range la...I always fail...in BMT I didn't get marksman. I've really acquire a fear for firearms now. Just..detest range so much. Zzz...I'm not even gonna aim for the marksman + $200 bucks tml...just hope I pass so as not to OOC can le...Pray hard. RM, 4km, ok la, no kick. IPPT, still, it's the same old story. Will aim for GOLD, but must see if my "Best Friend" called SBJ allows me to. So much activities. Walao, I'm starting to take back my words liao. MP command is NOT SLACK after all! IT' S XIIIIIOOOOOONNNNGGGGG!!!

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MP Command; first thoughts.

Given a NO now...and it's second day only. Its true as they say, being a Military Policeman has its privileges. If I look at things positively, then I should really count my lucky stars for being posted to MP cos' it's really gonna be a good life. Even the commanders say so.

Speaking bout' commanders, lucky man, most of them not too xiong or wad. Had a good heartfelt talk with one of my WO, and he give me a lot of precious advice for my future. Made me realise it doesn't matter if I take the longer route to get to what I want and need, cos' ultimately, I AM STILL YOUNG. Never stop learning! I will take his words seriously, after this course I should start working on my future already.

And BTW, I think, I need to temporarily cut this BULK. This project. Yea, I know, I've not really even started yet. But some events and the process of my MP journey will, IMHO, require me to STAY as my physique now. It's good enough. That will be the stand as of now. But realistically speaking, I might re-start it after this course cos' then I'll have more time and freedom to control matters. Yup. That's the conclusion.

Alright, this post is short n sweet enuf. I only have ard an hour left before I have to leave for camp again. HENG my camp is in the west, comparatively near my house. Ok, shall end now...CANT WAIT FOR FRIDAY BOOK OUT!

QOTD: PRIDE, DISCIPLINE, HONOUR!

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Block Leave's over -- Back to Serving

T.T. I am feeling that feeling AGAIN. That EMO feeling...what else? It's times like this that I realise how much I need my freedom in order to be happy. But forget it, the very least, I get to book into my new unit tml morning instead of NOW. Phew...

Downloading lots of songs now, so that they'll accompany me towards this next phase of my Army training. Music is de best ok, whenever you traverse to uncharted, unknown territory, hearing some familiar music just makes you feel better.

WHY is everyone using facebook? Facebook is like the most superficial social site ever, yet it can reveal so much about a person's life...Funny. I use Facebook too, but only for the sole purpose of checking on people. If you know me, I'm not active, heck, I don't even have a single photo uploaded! To me, FB is good and bad. Good cos' it can provide lots of entertainment, whether you playing your farmville or wadever, or checking on your crush, you'd agree wholeheartedly it does de job, for that entertainment aspect. But really, FB is just a popularity contest! You see, if you go visit someone's profile, esp ppl you don't really know you will check out his or her profile and stuff, you know, see how their doing. Deep down, what people truly want is a FB account littered with THOUSANDS of photos and THOUSANDS more friends. Only then is it "complete". Only then are they popular. So it is very easy to gauge how a person is doing by just looking at their no. of friends, photos, wall, etc. Of course, that's not to say a person with 1000 friends and photos is super popular and doing fantasically well in their life now. You gotta differentiate the real stuff from the fake, ok? That is for another day. You know, sometimes, I see people's FB with no friends, little updates...nobody even bother to say happy birthday to them. HOW PATHETIC, I mean, how the heck can they live with such a pathetic account, which inferentially meant their life SUCKED? Can you imagine you log in everyday to FB and other ppl are updating all the cool photos and wall stuff etc and you're just logging in for the sake of logging in, and feeling like a complete loser just succumbing to the peer pressure of everyone using FB. I don't understand people like that! It's like your trying to show how pathetic your life is to the world! WHAT?! If you don't have a social life just fking don't use FB la? For me, I will never use an actual FB unless I have got the strong enough social circle and life to make sure that my FB is littered with THOUSANDS of photos and THOUSANDS more friends. But then again, I might find myself on the "fake" side.

Ah jesus, speaking of FB...I forgot to do SOMETHING! DAMn...*Head slumps to the keyboard*.

Fmmmm...I want to watch Crossing Hennessey(For the Chio Bu lead actress only) ! Have to spend $$$ la...can't find online. I want to watch "Until the light takes us" also!!!!! No, I NEED to watch that! Argh...where? How? When? Argh...

Recently, that question started to pop up in my mind more often that ever. *Will I ever stop listening to Metal?*

Fuck you, Lab. Never. And now's not the time for that. Don't crumble. You are on the verge. Don't. Stay. Stay. Stay.

QOTD: I'm not a good person. Does that make me evil?

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Beginnings

"...but I have a good feeling about MP command leh. I want to go MP command! People say its slack, haha. Besides, I'm from NPCC bkgrd so MP is something I can relate to la. Actually MP stuff are not bad, quite interesting. It's already 99% confirmed that I get into MP MAN if I don't tio sispec." -Taken from Kvlt/Trve blog post sometime in April.

What a pathetic shit la! Sometimes I really think I damn contradicting man. Just a week ago I was so hoping to get posted to MP then now I'm complaining as if someone stole my collection of Horrible Science. Ok but that time I thought MP COMMAND actually meant "Commander in MP" but didn't realise Military Police was, essentially known as MP Command. Aiya Dumb me...

Just get over it la, whatever is done is done. Seems like this batch, a lot of shocking and unexpected postings, ie supposedly going to command sch guys end up in units, so I guess that might cheer me up a bit. I don't know if it's really possible to still be 3SG, but if theres a chance, I will aim for it, i guess.

But then, MP command seems so fun. Basic MP course is only 9 weeks, then learn all the seemingly fun stuff. Best part is no more SOC (presumably), no more RM, no more conventional shit hahaha, well except for the 3D2N outfield which is once only so doesn't matter. Ok, now I will just focus on this 2 months of new stuffs and forget about the past le.

----***SUDDEN THOUGHT THAT ZIPPED PAST MY MIND***----
MAN UTD WON HAHA SUCKERS LAST MIN DOWN YOUR THROAT HOW BOUT THAT CITEH? SCHOLES!!!!

Edit: And Chelski LOST! HAHA!

...my mind is going blank. Oh, it's 1.51am le. Brain is already fighting the Z-monster...

Ok...so...sayona...

I shuld go n...

zzz...

QOTD: ...zz..zz..zzz

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Am I a Failure?

Right now, all that is in my mind is FUCK EEESSSS--@@@---EEEEFFFF la. I am going to state on true fact and that is they only take your ACADEMICS as a SERIOUS deciding factor on whether you go Command School. This society is that realistic. No good A lvl/diploma = no commandership for U! I'm a prime example la. Why did I try so hard for BMT? Why? Just to make sure I don't FAIL in army just like I failed in my studies. But why, why must they take STUDIES into consideration even in ARMY? Look, people I know of personally did worse then me in BMT, ie just passed IPPT and fail SOC and they got into SCS. And only cos' their A lvls got straight 'A's. I burnt my ass trying so hard for SITEST and got silver for IPPT, and people were saying like, "ooo cfm get into sispec at least" and WAD THE FUCK I kena posted to be a MAN. FUCK LA, I'LL SHOW YOU THAT YOU HAVE FKING WASTED A TALENT.

YAY, I failed in JC, failed in A lvls and now come to Army, I still fail.

Please, if you told me to look at the brighter side, you know your just kidding us. Ya, I know, MP is like, hard to get in, slack, easy life still draw combat pay...etc..But if I ask you in your face. If I asked anyone who had the pride and dignity to represent himself as a TRUE MAN, a REAL MAN, "Do you want to be a commander or just a MAN?", WHAT do you think his answer would be? Obviously he would want to be a proud, respected, commander with power, status and all the glory, instead of merely becoming a MAN, right?

...How pathetic. Can I imagine, after end of two yrs, the highest rank I'll attain is just a Corporal. Doesn't get anymore demoralising than this, does it?

What can I do, but just, like the Army taught us. SUCK THUMB lor.

I guess this post is worthy to be a strong candidate for "FML entry of the YEAR!"

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"Project Metal Monster"

Coming along fine...re-started self cooking again. Good start, i guess. So now I'm posted to MP, guess I'll have more time for this project!

I have thought long and hard. Not that long and hard anyway.

I want to be RASH now, and do RASH things.

TIME to consume some supplements. Bring it on!

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Watched part of WMXXVI today. WTF has Wrestlemania turned into a JOKE? From the looks of things really seems like it. No fking JIM ROSS announcing? Taken over by the JOKE michael cole? His commentary SUCKS TO THE CORE LOL! Taker-Michaels Part 2 was...in truth, blunt and disappointing. They shouldn't have done it. Compare this for last yr's match, this just flunks epicly. And I hate the fact that MC keeps billing it as "...the most anticipated match in Wrestlemania history!!!" FUCK YOU MC. The Rock-Austin WM17 was THE most anticipated match in Wrestlemania history, OK? Dumbass.

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Gah. Feels so sucky now. Well, at least I DONT HAVE TO BOOK IN IN SMART 4 ON MONDAY CHEERS TO THAT YEA!
*Edit: Fk, I read wrong. I HAVE to book in in Smart 4 on Mon. Fail~~~~~~~

QOTD: And it's not easy, to be me...

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Project: Metal Monster

Hopefully, I'm serious enough abt this to make it successful. I don't care if I look more bulk or wadever compare to other ppl and lose my lean self, I don't care.

Here's the starting stats:

Height: 174cm
Weight: 62kg
BF: ~11%
BMI: 20.5

(I don't have my chest, biceps etc stats...too lazy to do)


Starting Pix (Front, Standing): 16/4/2010


Starting Pix (Side, Standing): 16/4/2010


Starting Pix (Front, Standing): 16/4/2010

Some grocery...a kick start. Wtf a lemon tea in there?!

IPPT Stats

Chin ups: 11
Sit ups: 60
SBJ: 225cm
SR: 10.2
2.4km: 10.20

These are the food that I've bought to kick start this Project. All of them majorly protein based.

• 4kg Chicken Breast Meat
  
• 3l Soya Bean (Almond)
• 1 Sm Jar Mayo
• 1 Sm Jar Pasta Sauce
• Chicken Stock
• Soya Dessert x12 Packs

These are the Food that I should only eat for this Project. As usual all protein dense.

• Cai Png w/ Fish/Chicken, Tofu, egg
• Chicken Rice
• Mr Bean
• Soya Bean Drink
• Tofu & Chicken Breast self cook
• Eggs
• Salmon
• Almond nuts
• Beancurd Dessert
• Yong Tau Foo

By Right, I shuld be consuming ard 170g of protein for my daily intake. I will be aiming for that, but not strictly following. As luck would have it, I chanced upon some tips today in a health mag that I should consume more protein on NON workout days and less on workout days. Lazy to explain why, ask me if you want.

So everything looks set and ready to go! I must hit the gym much much more and push my limits. Although I will continue running, and most likely I might return to running tml, I hope it will not become a hindrance me gaining muscle mass...I really don't noe how things will pan out. However if it really prevents me from gaining the weight then I can only moderate things. Erm what other unforseen circumstances will I meet? Yes, I'll be stuck in my new camp again so it might be the ultimate killer to my project since my nutrition and workouts won't be strictly to my own pace/methods anymore. So weeks from now you might even see me ranting abt fking ASSS--@@--EEEFFF stopping me from bulking and making me lose weight again. Who knows? But I've thought of this before, and I've said, just fking start now...if I have to suck thumb in Army and then use bookout days to continue this project then so be it la...bo bian. If I don't start to bulk now, it will be too late. Truth is, I don't have any sensible reason to start this bulk, but I'm just following my heart and my ideology.

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Just finished watching SHUTTER ISLAND...wow what a great movie la! Damn nice...The whole movie...the plot...the music...the atmosphere...incredible. This movie is very mindfking, it's like your typical pyschological thriller but just so so so much better than the norm. Plus it has a twist ending that is like BOOMZ and leaves your jaw on the ground la. If you thought the trailer was GOOD, hell, the movie itself WILL BLOW YOU AWAY. And I have to say, Leonardo Dicaprio just turn me into his fan...what a masterclass performance on his part. Damn, guys, SHUTTER ISLAND is THAT GOOD.

QOTD: Is it better to live as a monster, or die as a good man?

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Time To Become A MONSTER!

Argh...Being sick really really sucks la. Have to stay in home these few days just because of this. Come to think of it, it's been a really long time since I was this sick. I guess it's the sudden accumulation of all the viruses that is causing me so much pain and suffering now. Tekong cough+Tekong virus+sleeping naked in air con chalet+breathing in too much BBQ smoke+all that fried food====ULTIMATE liao la...don't know what to say...can't do much except try to recover in the shortest time possible. It's already wednesday...I've already spent the past four days recovering so this short break is really thrown away man. And I'm still not 100%. Wasted wasted wasted.

Okay, so after putting things in perspective, I've decided to start another physical change in my life. It was something that has been on the back of my mind so quite some time now, but never really a pressing issue. However, some part of me just ignited this hidden desire, I also don't know why, but cut the story short, now I just want to do it.

I want to bulk up.

Gain muscle.

Yes, I know, ironically I've always been against "gaining weight" ever since my EPIC "ST 65" last year, but seriously if you compare me to some other guy of my physique, I am really THAT weak! I mean, at 174cm, 64kg, people are taking IPPT for fun and getting GOLD like nobody's business la! This fking strength loss has always, ALWAYS been my problem. And the fact that my legs are larger than normal doesn't help either. It just seems so much better if I bulked up. I mean, if I go to command sch, having a stronger and more muscular body would lessen the work load on my body so that I won't suffer as much or worst, tio any joint injury.

Recently I just looked at everyone's biceps and compare to mine...don't want to say much.

FK IF I built until freaking muscular I can start sparring with my friends la.

Now I don't even dare cos' I'm scared I too skinny and I might just get destroyed!

This is seriously pathetic...me...skinny...fragile...no...I need to do something. I NEED TO PUT ON MUSCLE MASS!

So this is a rough overview of what I'm hoping for. I'm gonna aim to gain 5 kg of muscle. They ideally should be on my back and biceps, not my waist. I will not overshot 70kg. Yea, and I know there will be some consequences that come with weight gain. I might not fit my new clothes. Who know's my IPPT, my running or worst SBJ will worsen. I don't know. I won't know until I reached that status. But ultimately I'm gunning for this increased mass to improve my fitness, not screw it up.

Is 174cm 70kg very fat? I think ok. Quite ok. But it will look damn damn good if it's like 174cm 70kg with only like <11%>

From tomorrow onwards, or when my health returns to 100%, I will proceed with this. I will of course, like my "ST 65", record each and every step as much as I can. I will start with a clearly shot starting photo of my current self and my changes as weeks pass. Regime wise, I haven't done a clear cut plan yet, but I'm just gonna basically eat MUCH more protein and hit the gym like a mad cow. I will take supplements if the natural way doesn't work after one or two months.

Time to bulk up.

I said a change was gonna come, right?

QOTD: If no one is willing to stand beside me, then proudly, I fight alone !

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End Of the Road

Yes, guys, I have finally "POP LOH". It's been a fun 9 weeks, and I've learnt some new stuff in Tekong. But as always, all good things must come to an end, so adios BMT, new unit, here I come!

Seems like my batch was supposed to be the first to go through the reduced 16km RM. I don't really know what happened, but we still did the 24km. Maybe next batch onwards will carry on with 16km bah. Thoughts abt 24km? Quite unsettling at first, the weekend before I was still super emoing abt it, and thinking whether to take MC just to pon the march. However, things seemed a bit easier when the commanders told us abt the breaks in between, which was really quite long to be honest. So couple this with the POP mentality, I was psyched up enough to start and in the end pushed all the way through. There was a part during 3-4am though, when I started to doze off with every step and experienced mild hallucinations. It was quite irritating but luckily my body didn't give up... And on the final 5km towards parade square, when we finally saw the streetlights...a sign of relived. I've finally did it.

Where will I be posted to next? I will know on 16th April. Hopefully not something I don't like.

Currently, having a supercombo of flu+cough+sore throat hitting me...I will take this short break to recuperate...Things will get better.

Hey listen to this, it's really nice =)

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A Change is gonna come

Yea, so today I went for some delicious breakfast, then had a normal 4km run followed by "Clash of the Titans" film after which soccer and subsequently pool...so fun...ha..ha..ha

Seriously WHAT THE HELL MY BLOG IS TURNING INTO ONE OF THOSE RANTING JOURNALS ?!

This isn't my aim la...my blog is supposed to be filled with interesting stuff not daily updates on my life and crap OMG I'm drifting away...

And it's all S@-EFF's fault la restrict my freedom to come up with interesting shit...

If possible give me some topics to blog about leh...

The next few posts will decide the fate of this BLOG~

QOTD: Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near?

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NOTHING FAZES ME.

I initially had nothing to blog about de, so just stoning in front of comp and...stoning. Then, I went to check out some ppl, and guess what, the fuel lai le. As I viewed their profile etc, the fire started to burn and sort of inspired me to blog this.

COME la, throw all the shit you can on me, I will take it. Nothing has stopped me from coming this far and nothing ever will, as long as I try.

CB. Everyone one knows what kind of person I am on the surface. But nobody knows me on the inside. The very very deep inside. Let me tell you, as long as I keep Kvlt and Trve, you can't touch me.

All the fakers and posers and backstabbers...I don't know what you're thinking, but the more you try to kill me with your retarded antics just to boost your self morale and that demented oversized ego of yours, the more I'll just take it in and turn it into an advantage for me.

Come la, fking walk around lovey dovey think you're so blissful and look down on those single people right? You'll only affect the pathetic and weak minded losers. The more you bunch of idiots pester me, the stronger I'll get. I will always remember these quotes by my beloved metal bands, "I will NOT feed you hunger, instead, I BITE THE PAIN" and "What don't kill you, make you more strong".

Fking when I'm pissed, I have fking BRUTAL DEATH METAL TO RAPE MY EARDRUMS SO I BECOME NUMB TO YOU F@GS!
Fking when I'm feeling desolate and empty, I HAVE BURZUM ETC TO CHANNEL MY LONELINESS TO.
FKING WHEN YOU TRY TO KILL ME, I'LL ALWAYS HAVE MY MUSIC TO DEFEND AGAINST YOU!
YOU CAN'T STOP ME!
YOU NEVER WILL!

THE PATHETIC PPL WILL ALWAYS WALLOW IN SELF PITY COS THEY ARE WEAK! I AM NOT, AND I DON'T NEED A NON-EXISTENT SOURCE OF BELIEF PEOPLE CALL RELIGION TO LEAN TO, TO CALL UPON TO CARRY THEIR SORROW AND SUCH. I ONLY HAVE THIS, AND I ONLY NEED THIS.
MMMEEEETTTTAAALLL!!!!

It is ironic. It really is. You were the spark that ignited my transformation. You were my motivation to carry through the grueling process of weight loss.

Now you've become my worst enemy. You've turned into everything that I hated. So this is your dark side. I've finally seen it.

But never. You will never get rid of me. Nor will I ever get rid of you. However, I choose to use you as a compass. You will always be my motivation, and also, always my biggest hate. Whatever the situation is, I'll use you wisely. You will, like you always had, bring me to the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows.

So I say to you.

THANK YOU/FUCK YOU

...Hey, er...if you took my above post as indicative of my life right now, then you really don't understand me. Life is a facade, guys.

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A Nugget Post

Ok this entry was posted on Tuesday night, since I wasn't gonna log in my blog with the UNPC, I just had to wait till whenever I booked out to post it.

Tues, 30/3/2010

I'm feeling a mixture of emotions now. So much questions are whirling around my mind...Basically today was the RE-IPPT day. I wasn't in the list scheduled to retake, but upon some advice from my commander I decided to give it one last try; to get a GOLD. So I had to do a last minute mentality switch to get into IPPT mode. Little did I know...I overestimated my abilities. Here's generally what happened. All stations were ok, enough for GOLD until I met the dreaded SBJ. Since my last jump hit 230cm, it was logical to think that 234cm was within reach. So with much confidence, I went ahead and jumped. And again. And yet again. Fucking hell. 221cm!!! Straightaway, I knew that it was over for me. There was no why or how...it was just a sense of disappointment. I could only submit to the sheer fact that I wasn't good enough for 234cm. Haix...

Worse, during the 2.4km run I kena stitches abt 800m in and needless to say, the rest of the run was hellish. What a way to end a sucky day...

Seriously la, why is my SBJ so chui? It's only 234cm leh. I think it's cos' of my pui pui legs. It's like they're so fat den when I jumped I won't even last 1 second in the air before I land. No Hang time de! This is definitely my weakest station, and I must do something abt it. Technique wise, strength wise, whatever it takes. I must overcome this pain in the ass of a station!

LOL, guys, NOW, Tekong REALLY is a chalet. Guess the time for last parade today? 1900 hrs! Like wad the heck early la! This is the best you can get in BMT, besides book out of course!

Hmmm...I don't usually aim for anything, but I have a good feeling about MP command leh. I want to go MP command! People say its slack, haha. Besides, I'm from NPCC bkgrd so MP is something I can relate to la. Actually MP stuff are not bad, quite interesting. It's already 99% confirmed that I get into MP MAN if I don't tio sispec. But fk man la...I won't be satisfied. I want to go MP command...be a sergeant there...gut feeling that it will be good there. So far, I don't know whether my performance is good enough. Ppl say IPPT Silver is enough for Sispec. Yes I got Silver, but I still feel that I've not done enough. I don't know my Sitest results leh...the lieutenant like same expression for everyone's performance...then my Appraisals...I think that will be my weakest point. Fk la, I already said before I found my bunch of close buddies le, so I don't really care bout' fking bunkmates or whatever. I was hoping I got GOLD; that would have guaranteed a slot in command school. But I didn't, so there is only one final choice left. SOC. Pass that, with all stn cleared and within timing, and I know I'll cfm go Sispec. But like always, it's easier said than DONE. My low wall and rope still half half. If I can clear them, I still have to beat the 600m runoff, and the fatigue. All these combine to be an extremely challenging obstacle (no pun intended). The best would be, to clear this BIG obstacle by slowly clearing the small ones, step by step. Pls, help yourself, LAB!

Listening to MP3...munching on snacks...using the laptop while lying on your bed...chillaxing...all at the same time. This is Tekong BMTC life after all your "High Key" events man...enjoy it!

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