Indecision

I have lost every bit of motivation to go for gym sessions. Seeing those huge, muscular guys and comparing them to myself is just demoralising. 

I want to become like that. But more importantly to me, I want to improve my running records. And if I become a buffed up freak, it contradicts my goal cos' adding mass naturally slows me down. That is a given. But seeing my skinny self every time does make me feel insecure and inferior. The most 'in my face' moment is when I actually encounter buff guys who CAN run. That is like, perfection. 

So either I keep my 'runner's body', i.e. skinny, lean, little muscle, or I buff up and sacrifice my running. Guess the choice is obvious, at least for now. 

Extremely tired right now! Only had 4 hours of sleep yesterday, and today was packed with loads of training, so I can't believe I'm still awake and sane right now. Did the gym, as planned, though it was a pain the the ass. Finished with an Interval training right before dinner. 

Today's H-I-I-T -- by far, the TOUGHEST one yet. 

Don't know how to describe my feelings after that! You know when I was weight 70+ and attempting HIIT for the first time? I remembered doing 200 recovery jog/ 100 sprint for 6 times, adding to 1.8K and 10 minutes of hell. Boy oh boy, have times changed. Now I am doing 200/200 x7, usually. But today, I felt I needed to sweat and push harder and make sure I feel the pain. So I increased to 10 repititions. THAT'S TEN, guys. That meant 200/200 x10 or 4K of interval training!!! It was elite level. I'd call it 'sparta training'. 

Oh the pain. My face was distorted in ways I can never imagine when I sprint. Every minute was painful. I dug deep to keep my balance during recovery jogs. When I was done, I was literally shaking and shivering, YES no kidding. My heart felt as if it was repeating pounded by a sledgehammer. For the first time in a long time, I was so emotional I wanted to cry. Solid, unforgiving pain. That is why EVERYONE hates HIIT! But, if you asked me, I was glad I did it, however hard I struggled. But I don't want to think of it now, nor the next session. 

"Spartan HIIT"

200m All out sprint / 200m recovery jog

Repeat 10 times minimum

Distance: 4K

Let's see, going for 30K this Sunday. Hope I break it! Not much time left until the Marathon...if we count in taper time, we're only left with 3 weeks of serious training. Very short of time. It is essential I complete 30K this Sunday. The route is out, which gives us extra motivation too. After all the races I've been it, it is still important for me to keep focus and realise that the MARATHON is the main event. The 5K, 10K, 15K, Trail runs, all of them are just fillers. Do not forget, amidst all of the pain, the PRs, the races, that this is the one that truly matters. 

Duty tomorrow and Saturday! Time to rest! Then it's the end of October.